Wedding Belle Sneaks Off...

... to Bad Reputation for a guest blog! Check it out here - a post about how to retain your feminist identitiy in the face of so much patriarchal tradition at weddings.

Perfectly Normal Madness

Ever since we got engaged, Future Husband has been annoying me. The loo seat gets left up more now, or his loudness is extra jarring, or his loving looks make me feel panicked and trapped. I put it down to stress and then as it went on, got more and more concerned. Why did I feel like I wanted to push him away? Why was the fact that I'd agreed to him being the only man in my life for the next 60 years freak me out so hard? I was getting terribly, horribly worried I had agreed to marry him only to fall out of love with him.

It was fair agony being in my head. Because, of course, I do love him. I'm so happy with him. Yes, he's not perfect. Neither am I. Yes, he irritates me a fair proportion of the time. I'm annoying as well. I was really wondering what was going on when a friend said 'Oh, you have first-year itis a bit early, that's all.'

What on earth was that? I research and Lucy Mangan explained it all. Many newly-weds settle down only to find themselves horrified by the fact that they have made a legally binding and public commitment to another person - and one that chews with his mouth open to boot. The slap of reality after the romance, if you will. She explained so clearly exactly what I was going through that the relief felt like someone rubbing my shoulders while monks chanted softly in the background.

I wasn't going mad. I wasn't falling out of love with my finace. I was just reacting fairly normally to the lifelong commitment I was planning on making and my brain was assessing this and testing for holes.

Anyone else out there experience this when they got engaged?

Always be aware of behaviour

So I submitted my own tale of Etiquette Hell to Hell's Bells a while ago and it was finally published!

It is the sad tale of when bridesmaids are complete bitches to other friends of the bride, I guess because they feel they are 'better' because they are the bridesmaids. It didn't impress anyone and left a very bad taste in the mouth of most of the attendees of the hen party.

So remember to pick your bridesmaids carefully and ask them to think of others before planning the hen do!

Girls, get a fucking grip

I'm sorry, I'm in a rage. I'm reading the latest issue of Perfect Wedding, a magazine I usually enjoy as it's a little different from the others. But they have a 25 Reasons You'll Love Being Married and it's making me want to vomit.

Number 13: You now know that there will always be someone on hand to change a tyre or check your oil.

Oh. My. God. Women. Seriously. If you don't know how to do either of these and you are a driver, you need to learn. Both of these things are not hard and your life will be made easier when YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON MEN FOR SMALL MATTERS. Jesus Christ, learn some self-reliance and don't get married until you have grown up.

Number 14: Marriage means one extra piece of pretty jewellery to wear on your finger.

If this is your reason for getting married, you need actual psychiatric help and your husband/wife needs a very good lawyer.

Number 18: You will gain a superior knowledge of sports and computer games thanks to prolonged exposure.

We're not all Kim Kardashian-worshipping, Friends-watching, Heat-reading girly girls, you know. Some of us may even own an XBox. What is wrong with you? Stop perpetuating gender myths!

Sigh. It's things like this that make me so happy we're not having a stereotypical wedding and I'm not marrying a wanker who thinks that I wouldn't be able to change the oil in my car without his help. The rest if the list are things that basically would show up on a list of Reasons to Enjoy Having a Live-in Boyfriend so clearly nothing much changes when you get married, according to Perfect Wedding. What a pile of fetid anti-feminist shit. Happy 2012.